This is the fourth post about my faithcation (see previous posts in archives on left.)
When you begin a trip, most people know their destination. They may not know how they will get there but they know where they intend to end up. Well I have to say a faithcation doesn't have a destination, not one I know of anyway...
Many people who have read the blog or learned of my faithcation have asked what am I going to do once I become a lay pastor? To be honest, I have no idea, as that is not up to me.
I have been praying for 2-3 years for God to show me His purpose for my life. I have known for a while that there is something more I am supposed to be doing but I had no clue what that is and for the most part still don't.
I tried to figure it out on my own but was getting nowhere. So I just started praying a very simple prayer, "God let me hear your plan for me. I know you are speaking to me, just let me hear it." I repeated it almost everyday for 2 or so years. I was growing impatient as I had reached a point where I knew I would follow God's plan if only I knew what it was. I was ready to know. I was ready to get going. But I could never hear it. Until recently...
I was trying to figure out whether I was going to join this church. I was very conflicted over it and then this lay pastor thing came up. For some reason, I felt a very strong calling to join the class but was wrestling with joining the church. One evening as I was discussing the lay pastor class with a friend and was trying to explain my hesitation, I was struck with a thought. And when I say struck that is what it felt like. The thought came to me out of blue, "Silly girl, here you go again trying to figure this out on your own. What makes you think this is your decision?" Suddenly I got it. For months God had been leading me to this church. I wont say against my will but I will say against my logic. God was leading me and I had been swimming against the current. In that moment, I got it. I was supposed to go to this class to be a lay pastor and I needed to stop fighting the decision to join the church.
But He stopped there, that is all I heard. God didn't elaborate on what I was going to do after. He didn't tell me the destination, He just showed me the first step of the journey. So for now it is a cliff hanger. It's like I just watched the season finale of my favorite show and now I have to wait 3 months to see what happens next. "It is not necessary that we should know what God's purpose is. It is necessary only that we decide to fulfill it," a quote from Dick Wills in Waking to God's Dream.
Monday, October 12, 2009
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Will there be a test?
Over the last several classes we have explored the history and doctrine of Methodism. (I don't want to get into the details of the denomination too much as this blog isn't about becoming a Methodist for anyone other than me). But I will say I think it is interesting that it seems most people don't chose their church based on the doctrine of the denomination. And I find it fascinating that people belong to a denomination for a lifetime and don't really know the history or the resulting influence on the doctrine of the denomination. ( I am gonna work on a separate posting about that all together...)
During the history lessons, I took copious notes. I was trying to capture each detail as I was enthralled with what I was learning. Our teacher assured us we didn't have to take notes or write it down because there wouldn't be a test...And I knew he meant a paper/pencil test. But the thought that kept occurring to me was, "there will be a test." There may not be a test to become a lay pastor but I think there is a pretty good chance there will be a test. For most of us, life brings many tests ...test of faith, test of religion, or church, or beliefs... And I believe what I am learning is preparing me for the tests I am sure to face particularly around organized religion and church. I am not saying I am above tests of faith because I am certainly not. But the more challenging tests for me right now center around organized religion. I am still trying to discover and understand what the role of the church is and should be in my spiritual life. For some people, going to church is their spiritual life and for others like me, my spiritual life has not been connected to a church at all. I feel the constant need to remind folks that unchurched doesn't mean un christian or unspiritual. People seem to think becuase you are new to church that you are new to God. Not the case here...long time believer and of strong faith just put the faith and belief in God and not a church. So careful not to assume new people are new christians. I am sold on God, it's the church that I stuggle with...
I have struggled with organized religion and church for a long time. I know I will continue to struggle with these concepts. I have long thought that joining a church meant subordinating my beliefs to the way of the "church" or the people that make up the church. As I do not believe any church or denomination has the exclusive right to the one best way to worship God or the one correct interpretation of the bible. ( And every religion, denomination, and church has a different interpretation) And there in lies my struggle, many churches and denominations position themselves as not only the best way but the only way. Which would mean all the rest of us have it wrong.
So I am discovering that there is room for me under this "big tent" as Methodism is sometimes called. I am not sure it is always meant as a flattering statement as the joke seems to be you can believe anything and be a Methodist. Though, that is not true. I believe "big tent" reflects the Methodist slogan "open hearts, open minds, and open doors". For me "open minded" and "church" have not always belonged in the same sentence.
Personally, I love the "big tent" concept. "Big tent" as explained by our teacher means there is room for everyone in God's church, room for a variety of beliefs and perspectives. Of course there are shared beliefs around the core doctrine like the holy trinity, old and new testament, Jesus as our lord and savior, etc. But beyond the core doctrine there is room for individualism, specifically on the social issues. That doesn't mean you can believe whatever you want. It does mean that we can all read the same bible and perceive different things and that is okay.
So there may not be an exam but there will surely be a test and I am trying to prepare.
During the history lessons, I took copious notes. I was trying to capture each detail as I was enthralled with what I was learning. Our teacher assured us we didn't have to take notes or write it down because there wouldn't be a test...And I knew he meant a paper/pencil test. But the thought that kept occurring to me was, "there will be a test." There may not be a test to become a lay pastor but I think there is a pretty good chance there will be a test. For most of us, life brings many tests ...test of faith, test of religion, or church, or beliefs... And I believe what I am learning is preparing me for the tests I am sure to face particularly around organized religion and church. I am not saying I am above tests of faith because I am certainly not. But the more challenging tests for me right now center around organized religion. I am still trying to discover and understand what the role of the church is and should be in my spiritual life. For some people, going to church is their spiritual life and for others like me, my spiritual life has not been connected to a church at all. I feel the constant need to remind folks that unchurched doesn't mean un christian or unspiritual. People seem to think becuase you are new to church that you are new to God. Not the case here...long time believer and of strong faith just put the faith and belief in God and not a church. So careful not to assume new people are new christians. I am sold on God, it's the church that I stuggle with...
I have struggled with organized religion and church for a long time. I know I will continue to struggle with these concepts. I have long thought that joining a church meant subordinating my beliefs to the way of the "church" or the people that make up the church. As I do not believe any church or denomination has the exclusive right to the one best way to worship God or the one correct interpretation of the bible. ( And every religion, denomination, and church has a different interpretation) And there in lies my struggle, many churches and denominations position themselves as not only the best way but the only way. Which would mean all the rest of us have it wrong.
So I am discovering that there is room for me under this "big tent" as Methodism is sometimes called. I am not sure it is always meant as a flattering statement as the joke seems to be you can believe anything and be a Methodist. Though, that is not true. I believe "big tent" reflects the Methodist slogan "open hearts, open minds, and open doors". For me "open minded" and "church" have not always belonged in the same sentence.
Personally, I love the "big tent" concept. "Big tent" as explained by our teacher means there is room for everyone in God's church, room for a variety of beliefs and perspectives. Of course there are shared beliefs around the core doctrine like the holy trinity, old and new testament, Jesus as our lord and savior, etc. But beyond the core doctrine there is room for individualism, specifically on the social issues. That doesn't mean you can believe whatever you want. It does mean that we can all read the same bible and perceive different things and that is okay.
So there may not be an exam but there will surely be a test and I am trying to prepare.
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
On Becoming a Methodist
This is the second post about my faithcation (scroll down to see the first.)
So the journey started ...we had our first class this week. Our teacher started class by asking, "why did you become a Methodist???" Uh Oh!
We all had to go around the room and share our story on becoming a Methodist. Now I am by no means shy and rarely speechless but I was both. After all, I didn't think I had actually chose to become a Methodist and I wasn't sure it was okay to say so aloud in a room full of Methodists and a Methodist minister. For me, this isn't about becoming a Methodist per se. It is about following God's plan and it appears God's plan for me includes becoming a Methodist. But I don't want anyone to get caught up in that part. This is about exploring your faith, no matter what denomination you are or aren't.
Luckily, I was near last in the rotation. By the time it was my turn I learned most of the room hadn't chosen to be a Methodist either. They were led there by a spouse or parents or by a bus in one case. So it was okay to say I too was led there. It seems most people didn't become a Methodist on purpose. But in their stories and mine I certainly see God's purpose operating.
I laugh to think of God as a modern novelist. I read a lot and have read several "prize winning, critically acclaimed" books. (Only because they have big stickers on them that draw my attention or because they are on Oprah...) Inevitably those books are 3-4 inches thick with tiny print and contain so much seemingly irrelevant detail. To us the details are irrelevant and lead nowhere. But to the critics eye, it is the detail that makes the novel a literary accomplishment because it isn't irrelevant at all if you can follow all of it (which a great deal of the time I can't). So as I heard every one's stories it reminded me that God is like the modern novelist. We are his works and every detail matters. God leads us in great and tiny ways.
Our teacher did a great job leading us that night to realize it isn't about why we became a Methodist but helped us to see that since our faithcation has brought us to this destination or denomination, we might want to have a look around and see what being a Methodist is all about.
This is my story on becoming a Methodist...
For me it was a seemingly unrelated decision involving my son's childcare. After staying home for about 6 months, I returned to work and needed child care for 2 days a week. I found a 5 star state of the art daycare. The absolute best in the area. For the first week I cried each time I left him and visited 3 times each day just to check in. I was a nervous wreck but chalked it up to separation anxiety and a nervous new parent. Two more weeks went by and I could not find peace with him there. One day my husband picked him up at daycare and happen to mention that our son didn't seem like himself. That was it. I never took him back. The voice in my head had been whispering at me and I just wasn't listening.
Let me be clear, the daycare was wonderful, the people there were wonderful, and for the short 6 days my son was there they took exceptional care of him. But it just wasn't where we were supposed to be. So I was in quiet a predicament over my son's care. As many of you know, it is very difficult to find part time daycare. So I called a local church and the director informed me they could do two days but their program was only half days 9-12. She told me that parents' night was that very night and invited me to come check out the program. So I wasn't sure how or even if we could make half days work but desperate my husband and I went to parents' night. The minute I walked into their fellowship hall I was overwhelmed with a sense of peace and comfort. That voice in my head whispered "this is the place". So we enrolled our son and with a willing grandma who shifted her schedule we made the half days work.
So what in the world does that have to do with becoming a Methodist? Well that church is the very Methodist church where I am now studying to become a lay pastor. Don't forget, I didn't just change churches. I didn't go to church at all and I didn't go on purpose. So a decision that had nothing to do with my faith and everything to do with my son, had the unlikely consequence of me becoming a Methodist. God was writing this chapter long before I was aware of it. Ever heard the saying, "the devil is in the details?"... Well I beg to differ.
So the journey started ...we had our first class this week. Our teacher started class by asking, "why did you become a Methodist???" Uh Oh!
We all had to go around the room and share our story on becoming a Methodist. Now I am by no means shy and rarely speechless but I was both. After all, I didn't think I had actually chose to become a Methodist and I wasn't sure it was okay to say so aloud in a room full of Methodists and a Methodist minister. For me, this isn't about becoming a Methodist per se. It is about following God's plan and it appears God's plan for me includes becoming a Methodist. But I don't want anyone to get caught up in that part. This is about exploring your faith, no matter what denomination you are or aren't.
Luckily, I was near last in the rotation. By the time it was my turn I learned most of the room hadn't chosen to be a Methodist either. They were led there by a spouse or parents or by a bus in one case. So it was okay to say I too was led there. It seems most people didn't become a Methodist on purpose. But in their stories and mine I certainly see God's purpose operating.
I laugh to think of God as a modern novelist. I read a lot and have read several "prize winning, critically acclaimed" books. (Only because they have big stickers on them that draw my attention or because they are on Oprah...) Inevitably those books are 3-4 inches thick with tiny print and contain so much seemingly irrelevant detail. To us the details are irrelevant and lead nowhere. But to the critics eye, it is the detail that makes the novel a literary accomplishment because it isn't irrelevant at all if you can follow all of it (which a great deal of the time I can't). So as I heard every one's stories it reminded me that God is like the modern novelist. We are his works and every detail matters. God leads us in great and tiny ways.
Our teacher did a great job leading us that night to realize it isn't about why we became a Methodist but helped us to see that since our faithcation has brought us to this destination or denomination, we might want to have a look around and see what being a Methodist is all about.
This is my story on becoming a Methodist...
For me it was a seemingly unrelated decision involving my son's childcare. After staying home for about 6 months, I returned to work and needed child care for 2 days a week. I found a 5 star state of the art daycare. The absolute best in the area. For the first week I cried each time I left him and visited 3 times each day just to check in. I was a nervous wreck but chalked it up to separation anxiety and a nervous new parent. Two more weeks went by and I could not find peace with him there. One day my husband picked him up at daycare and happen to mention that our son didn't seem like himself. That was it. I never took him back. The voice in my head had been whispering at me and I just wasn't listening.
Let me be clear, the daycare was wonderful, the people there were wonderful, and for the short 6 days my son was there they took exceptional care of him. But it just wasn't where we were supposed to be. So I was in quiet a predicament over my son's care. As many of you know, it is very difficult to find part time daycare. So I called a local church and the director informed me they could do two days but their program was only half days 9-12. She told me that parents' night was that very night and invited me to come check out the program. So I wasn't sure how or even if we could make half days work but desperate my husband and I went to parents' night. The minute I walked into their fellowship hall I was overwhelmed with a sense of peace and comfort. That voice in my head whispered "this is the place". So we enrolled our son and with a willing grandma who shifted her schedule we made the half days work.
So what in the world does that have to do with becoming a Methodist? Well that church is the very Methodist church where I am now studying to become a lay pastor. Don't forget, I didn't just change churches. I didn't go to church at all and I didn't go on purpose. So a decision that had nothing to do with my faith and everything to do with my son, had the unlikely consequence of me becoming a Methodist. God was writing this chapter long before I was aware of it. Ever heard the saying, "the devil is in the details?"... Well I beg to differ.
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Faithcation
When I go on vacation, I usually journal each day so I can remember details of the trip that the exhausting plane ride home will certainly wipe from my memory. I also found journaling helpful to remember the details of the early days of my son's life during my staycation after his birth. So as I embark on this faithcation, I thought I should keep a similar journal. I think this is going to be a trip worth sharing someday and if I wait to write it all when I can actually make sense of it, I will surely forget the details of the journey.
Over the next 12 weeks I am taking a class to become a lay pastor. Since I have never attended church regularly this is somewhat...remarkable. I, like many others of my generation, belong to what many including myself refer to as the "unchurched". First, let me make it clear that "unchurched" does not in anyway equate with unchristian or unfaithful or agnostic. It simply means you don't worship in a church. For me it reflects a long held belief that God doesn't just hang out in church steeples like bats in the belfry. God is everywhere. Church and religion have always challenged me...too much of a filter between me and God, someone else's interpretation of God's word, someone else's perception. Somehow I got lost in the translation or actually I think we lost God in the translation.
So from the unchurced to a lay pastor is quiet a leap of faith you might say. I could give you the timeline of that progression but I simply can not explain it. I have tried to explain it, tried to rationalize it, tried to make sense of it. All I can tell you is I didn't choose this, God chose it for me. That is all I know for sure.
So off I go on this faithcation. It feels like the eve before departing on a big vacation. Excited and anxious, I wonder if I am prepared for this? Do I have everything that I need? Am I forgetting anything? I can't wait to get there...
Over the next 12 weeks I am taking a class to become a lay pastor. Since I have never attended church regularly this is somewhat...remarkable. I, like many others of my generation, belong to what many including myself refer to as the "unchurched". First, let me make it clear that "unchurched" does not in anyway equate with unchristian or unfaithful or agnostic. It simply means you don't worship in a church. For me it reflects a long held belief that God doesn't just hang out in church steeples like bats in the belfry. God is everywhere. Church and religion have always challenged me...too much of a filter between me and God, someone else's interpretation of God's word, someone else's perception. Somehow I got lost in the translation or actually I think we lost God in the translation.
So from the unchurced to a lay pastor is quiet a leap of faith you might say. I could give you the timeline of that progression but I simply can not explain it. I have tried to explain it, tried to rationalize it, tried to make sense of it. All I can tell you is I didn't choose this, God chose it for me. That is all I know for sure.
So off I go on this faithcation. It feels like the eve before departing on a big vacation. Excited and anxious, I wonder if I am prepared for this? Do I have everything that I need? Am I forgetting anything? I can't wait to get there...
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